Sustainable Success Nudge from Your Future Self

💬 “The same behavior can be By Me or Through Me—depending on what’s driving it.”

Focus exists in both worlds. Awareness of what’s fueling it is what changes everything.

There’s a subtle nuance, Melinda, most high performers miss—and once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Focus.

Focus is a necessary ingredient found in both By Me and Through Me living.

When my clients want to shift how they’re showing up, they often think they need to let go of focus.
What they’re actually wanting to let go of is force.

Focus stays.
Force goes.

From By Me, focus looks like:

• diligence driven by effort
• action fueled by control
• consistency powered by will

From Through Me, focus can look almost identical on the outside:

• diligence anchored in presence
• action rooted in trust
• consistency guided by listening

Same behaviors.
Very different drivers.
Very different experiences.
Very different outcomes.

Here’s a simple way to feel the difference.

When focus is flowing Through Me, I notice:

• my shoulders soften
• my throat feels open
• a subtle tingling at the crown of my head
• space around my heart
• energy moving down my spine

Sometimes I feel one of these.
Sometimes a few.
Sometimes all of them.

When focus tips into effort, those signals disappear—and urgency takes over.

This is what I notice.
But there’s no one-size-fits-all checklist here.

Only awareness.

That’s why prioritizing intentional open space throughout your day—what many call white space—matters so much. So you can learn how to sense and feel this powerful distinction for yourself.

Not as a productivity hack.
But as a listening container.
As an awareness tool.

I know, I know. To a By Me achiever, open space on the calendar can often feel like:

“I’m not doing enough.”
(which, of course, only drives you to do more)

To someone operating Through Me, that same space feels grounding—
because it’s where ideas surface, clarity lands, and dots connect.

So here’s a simple recalibration for the week ahead:

Notice your focus—and what’s fueling it.

• Effort or alignment?
• Control or curiosity?
• Willpower or presence?

No judgment.
Just information.

Because sustainable success isn’t about doing less or doing more.
(And often, when I’m operating Through Me, I’m actually doing more.)

It’s about how focus is serving you.

Reply and let me know where in your daily life focus is slipping you into By Me and where it's tipping deeper into Through Me.

With clarity (and calibrated focus),
Melinda